The Three Little Pigs
By Joseph Jacobs
A Modern Adaptation by C. L. James
(The three pigs are playing video games.)
Pig 1: Hey, guys. I just realized. We’re about to turn thirty and we’re still living in our Mom’s basement.
Pig 2: What’s wrong with that?
Pig 1: I think it’s time for us to move out and go explore the real world before we turn in to bacon.
Pig 2: Mom won’t let us turn in to bacon? Her house is safe. It’s made out of brick. Why do we need to leave?
Pig 1: I just think it’s time for us to go out and explore the real world.
Pig 2: (talking to Pig 3) You know, he might be on to something.
Pig 3: I’m ready.
Pig 2: You’re ready to go?
Pig 3: Yeah.
Pig 2: Let’s go tell Mom.
Pig 1: Hey, Mom. We made a really tough decision down there.
Pig 3: We’re about to turn thirty.
Pig 1: We think it’s time for us to move out and go explore the real world.
Pig 2: We’ll come by and visit you, Mom. We swear.
Pig 3: I won’t.
Pig 2: We’ll make you.
Pigs: Bye, Mom. Love you.
Pig 2: Hey guys, before we go, what kind of house are you going to build? I think I’m going to build mine out of straw.
Pig 3: I’m going use sticks.
Pig 1:That’s the lazy way to do it. I’m going to follow our Mom’s example and build mine out of brick.
Pig 2: You’re not thinking. Bricks take forever to lay. Straw is so soft, and I can eat it. I’m a pig.
Pig 3: Sticks are strong.
Pig 1: Bricks make more sense.
Pig 2: Well, I’ll prove you guys wrong. I don’t care anymore. (Leaves)
Pig 3: See ya.
(They all start building.)
Pig 2: Who is that coming to my house? Oh my, it’s a wolf!
Wolf: Little pig, little pig, let me in.
Pig 2: Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin.
Wolf: I’m going to huff.
Pig 2: Ooooh!
Wolf: I’m going to puff.
Pig 2: Ooooh!
Wolf: I’m going to blow your house in. (Blows house down.)
Pig 2: Oh, my house! My straw! I’m going to go to my brother’s!
(Goes to Pig 3’s house and pounds on door.)
Pig 3: What is it?
Pig 2: Bro., Bro. There’s a wolf!
Pig 3: Where is it? Where is it?
Pig 2: My house!
Pig 3: You want to come in?
Pig 2: Please!
Pig 3: Come in.
Pig 2: He blew down my house of straw, but you’re building yours out of sticks.
Pig 3: Yeah. Help me finish building mine, Bro.
Pig 2: That was a huge wolf!
Pig 3: Where is he?
Pig 2: I don’t know. Wait! Out the window! Look! Look!
Pig 3: That’s the wolf!
Wolf: Hey, little pigs. I saw you go to your brother’s. Little pigs, little pigs, let me in.
Pigs 2 and 3: Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin.
Wolf: I’m going to huff.
Pigs 2 and 3: Ooooh!
Wolf: I’m going to puff.
Pigs 2 and 3: Ooooh!
Wolf: I’m going to blow your house in. (Blows house down and chases them.)
Pig 2: Come on! We’ve got to get to our brother’s house. (Pound on brother’s door.)
Pig 1: Who is it?
Pig 2: Help!
Pig 3: There’s a wolf!
Pig 1: Do you want to come in?
Pigs 2 and 3: Yes!
Pig 1: What’s the problem?
Pig 2: There’s a wolf. A big wolf! He blew down my straw house.
Pig 3: And he blew down my stick house!
Pig 1: A wolf did that?
Pig 2: Yes! He came out of nowhere.
Pig 1: (Pointing) Is that him?
Pig 2: That’s him!
Pig 3: That’s the wolf!
Pig 1: Don’t worry about him.
Wolf: You two little pigs joined your brother now.
Pig 2: No. Go away!
Wolf: Little pigs, let me in.
Pigs: Not by the hair of our chinny chin chins.
Wolf: Then I’m going to huff.
Pigs 2 and 3: Nooo!
Wolf: I’m going to puff.
Pigs 2 and 3: Nooo!
Wolf: I'm going to blow . . .
Pig 1: I told you nothing would happen.
Wolf: Little pigs, let me in.
Pigs: Not by the hair of our chinny chin chins.
Wolf: Then I’m going to huff.
Pigs 2 and 3: Nooo!
Wolf: I’m going to puff.
Pigs 2 and 3: Nooo!
Wolf: I'm going to blow . . . (cough, cough)
Pig 1: See, it’s fine. This place ain’t going nowhere. He can huff and puff all he wants.
Pig 2: Yeah, man. Look at this. You’ve got a roof and everything. I just had a pile of straw.
Wolf: I’m going to huff. I’m going to puff. (cough, cough, cough)
Pig 3: Is he still trying to blow this house down?
Pig 1: Probably.
Pig 2: He’s not looking too good. Is he turning blue?
Pig 3: I didn’t know wolves could turn blue.
Pig 1: I think he forgot his inhaler.
Wolf: I’m going to…I’m go… (cough, cough, cough)
Pig 2: You need to exercise more.
Pig 3: Build your lung capacity.
Pig 1: I think we can take him. I mean I’ve got more bricks.
Pig 2: Let’s do it!
(Pigs chase Wolf off the stage.)
(Final Scene)
(Pigs 2 and 3 are playing video games.)
Pig 1: Hey guys. I don’t mind you crashing at my house. I like having the company.
Pig 2: Yeah, Bro, it’s a great place.
Pig 3: We like you, too.
Pig 1: But it’s been ten years! Don’t you think should get your own place?
Pigs 2 and 3: Not by the hair of our chinny chin chins!
By Joseph Jacobs
A Modern Adaptation by C. L. James
(The three pigs are playing video games.)
Pig 1: Hey, guys. I just realized. We’re about to turn thirty and we’re still living in our Mom’s basement.
Pig 2: What’s wrong with that?
Pig 1: I think it’s time for us to move out and go explore the real world before we turn in to bacon.
Pig 2: Mom won’t let us turn in to bacon? Her house is safe. It’s made out of brick. Why do we need to leave?
Pig 1: I just think it’s time for us to go out and explore the real world.
Pig 2: (talking to Pig 3) You know, he might be on to something.
Pig 3: I’m ready.
Pig 2: You’re ready to go?
Pig 3: Yeah.
Pig 2: Let’s go tell Mom.
Pig 1: Hey, Mom. We made a really tough decision down there.
Pig 3: We’re about to turn thirty.
Pig 1: We think it’s time for us to move out and go explore the real world.
Pig 2: We’ll come by and visit you, Mom. We swear.
Pig 3: I won’t.
Pig 2: We’ll make you.
Pigs: Bye, Mom. Love you.
Pig 2: Hey guys, before we go, what kind of house are you going to build? I think I’m going to build mine out of straw.
Pig 3: I’m going use sticks.
Pig 1:That’s the lazy way to do it. I’m going to follow our Mom’s example and build mine out of brick.
Pig 2: You’re not thinking. Bricks take forever to lay. Straw is so soft, and I can eat it. I’m a pig.
Pig 3: Sticks are strong.
Pig 1: Bricks make more sense.
Pig 2: Well, I’ll prove you guys wrong. I don’t care anymore. (Leaves)
Pig 3: See ya.
(They all start building.)
Pig 2: Who is that coming to my house? Oh my, it’s a wolf!
Wolf: Little pig, little pig, let me in.
Pig 2: Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin.
Wolf: I’m going to huff.
Pig 2: Ooooh!
Wolf: I’m going to puff.
Pig 2: Ooooh!
Wolf: I’m going to blow your house in. (Blows house down.)
Pig 2: Oh, my house! My straw! I’m going to go to my brother’s!
(Goes to Pig 3’s house and pounds on door.)
Pig 3: What is it?
Pig 2: Bro., Bro. There’s a wolf!
Pig 3: Where is it? Where is it?
Pig 2: My house!
Pig 3: You want to come in?
Pig 2: Please!
Pig 3: Come in.
Pig 2: He blew down my house of straw, but you’re building yours out of sticks.
Pig 3: Yeah. Help me finish building mine, Bro.
Pig 2: That was a huge wolf!
Pig 3: Where is he?
Pig 2: I don’t know. Wait! Out the window! Look! Look!
Pig 3: That’s the wolf!
Wolf: Hey, little pigs. I saw you go to your brother’s. Little pigs, little pigs, let me in.
Pigs 2 and 3: Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin.
Wolf: I’m going to huff.
Pigs 2 and 3: Ooooh!
Wolf: I’m going to puff.
Pigs 2 and 3: Ooooh!
Wolf: I’m going to blow your house in. (Blows house down and chases them.)
Pig 2: Come on! We’ve got to get to our brother’s house. (Pound on brother’s door.)
Pig 1: Who is it?
Pig 2: Help!
Pig 3: There’s a wolf!
Pig 1: Do you want to come in?
Pigs 2 and 3: Yes!
Pig 1: What’s the problem?
Pig 2: There’s a wolf. A big wolf! He blew down my straw house.
Pig 3: And he blew down my stick house!
Pig 1: A wolf did that?
Pig 2: Yes! He came out of nowhere.
Pig 1: (Pointing) Is that him?
Pig 2: That’s him!
Pig 3: That’s the wolf!
Pig 1: Don’t worry about him.
Wolf: You two little pigs joined your brother now.
Pig 2: No. Go away!
Wolf: Little pigs, let me in.
Pigs: Not by the hair of our chinny chin chins.
Wolf: Then I’m going to huff.
Pigs 2 and 3: Nooo!
Wolf: I’m going to puff.
Pigs 2 and 3: Nooo!
Wolf: I'm going to blow . . .
Pig 1: I told you nothing would happen.
Wolf: Little pigs, let me in.
Pigs: Not by the hair of our chinny chin chins.
Wolf: Then I’m going to huff.
Pigs 2 and 3: Nooo!
Wolf: I’m going to puff.
Pigs 2 and 3: Nooo!
Wolf: I'm going to blow . . . (cough, cough)
Pig 1: See, it’s fine. This place ain’t going nowhere. He can huff and puff all he wants.
Pig 2: Yeah, man. Look at this. You’ve got a roof and everything. I just had a pile of straw.
Wolf: I’m going to huff. I’m going to puff. (cough, cough, cough)
Pig 3: Is he still trying to blow this house down?
Pig 1: Probably.
Pig 2: He’s not looking too good. Is he turning blue?
Pig 3: I didn’t know wolves could turn blue.
Pig 1: I think he forgot his inhaler.
Wolf: I’m going to…I’m go… (cough, cough, cough)
Pig 2: You need to exercise more.
Pig 3: Build your lung capacity.
Pig 1: I think we can take him. I mean I’ve got more bricks.
Pig 2: Let’s do it!
(Pigs chase Wolf off the stage.)
(Final Scene)
(Pigs 2 and 3 are playing video games.)
Pig 1: Hey guys. I don’t mind you crashing at my house. I like having the company.
Pig 2: Yeah, Bro, it’s a great place.
Pig 3: We like you, too.
Pig 1: But it’s been ten years! Don’t you think should get your own place?
Pigs 2 and 3: Not by the hair of our chinny chin chins!